When love is mixed with fear it creates one of the most powerful emotions on earth: jealousy. Here are three questions to ask yourself that will help you handle your jealousy and become a more loving, trusting person.
Why am I jealous?
When you're trying to handle your own jealousy, the first thing to consider is why you're feeling jealous. Did something happen to cause your jealousy, or are you struggling with irrational emotions rather than a current situation? Do you have trust issues with your partner? Or are your jealous tendencies leftover from a previous relationship? Maybe you have issues with trusting yourself that you are projecting on him.
If your partner did something that made you question his trustworthiness, address that situation specifically. Otherwise, take a look at the patterns in your life that have caused your trust issues. Address those issues and you'll be less likely to drag them into an otherwise happy relationship.
How am I communicating my jealousy?
The next step is to question how you're communicating your feelings of jealousy with your partner. Do you quietly repress your feelings - but secretly let resentment towards him grow in your heart? Do you throw accusations at him and threaten to leave? Or maybe breakdown in tears and beg him not to leave you.
It's important to use positive communication techniques to let your partner know when he does something that hurts your feelings and makes you feel jealous. Pick a time when you can communicate in a calm, safe way and use "I" statements like, "I feel jealous when you have lunch with your ex-girlfriend" or "I feel jealous when you chat with women online."
What actions am I taking because of my jealousy?
The next step is to begin paying attention to what actions you're taking as a result of your jealous feelings. When you start feeling jealous, how do you react? Do you snoop through his e-mail and check his cell phone records? Maybe you throw a tantrum and confront him with unfounded accusations of cheating?
Whether you realize it or not, reacting to jealousy this way will only leave you with more fear and frustration. In a way, your goal is to find something incriminating, so in that sense you will only be "satisfied" if you find proof he's been dishonest.
Stop the cycle.The more you act out of jealousy, the more you create that negative cycle of fear and frustration. Of course it's important to pay attention if your partner is acting suspiciously, but at the end of the day your jealous behavior is not going to keep him from cheating - and in some cases, it may even encourage it.
If you truly want to let go of jealousy, you must also let go of the idea that you can control someone through love. Just as love is a risk, trust is a choice. Each time you decide not to snoop or pry, you make a choice to become a more loving, trusting partner.
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